Each relationship we find ourselves entangled in is different. As it should be. Every person on the planet is different. That’s what makes being a human so interesting, and dating so complicated. One relationship might be fiery and oh so full of chemistry, but it lacks in other areas. The person might not be caring, or friendly, or funny, or intelligent, or whatever else you value in a prospective partner. So, I’m going to say this now, right at the beginning of this blog post, chemistry is not everything. Let me repeat that for those in the back, CHEMISTRY IS NOT EVERYTHING. And here’s why…
My own experience of a chemistry-only relationship…
The Italian. You know the kind of guy I’m talking about. Tall, dark, and so handsome. Not only that, but he was funny and intelligent too. He certainly kept me coming back for more. I was so infatuated with him, bordering on obsessed. The chemistry was off the wall, and I’d never felt that way before. I was drawn to him in a way that I didn’t think was possible. It was one of those fiery on-off relationships, and it lasted around a year and a half.
So, what ended it?
I wanted a commitment. I’d fallen head over heels for this guy, and, as it would transpire, he wasn’t ready to settle down. It’s entirely his right to feel that way, of course. But I had no idea that was how he felt. I thought he was as into me as I was into him. That was the chemistry clouding my judgement. The chemistry was just too infatuating, that I didn’t notice the areas in which he was lacking. Things that would have become apparent further down the line, as the chemistry begins to fade.
Chemistry covered up a whole host of disappointment.
Once I’d learned of The Italian’s reluctance to commit, I began to see the relationship more objectively. I had taken care of his every whim, but he hadn’t done the same for me. He wasn’t particularly compassionate or thoughtful, but his charm had hidden that. The more I thought about it, he was a terrible flirt and would often speak to other women. Did I want to spend the rest of my life with somebody like this; a person who I wanted to be around constantly, who was charming and electrifying, but wasn’t a terribly decent person? The obvious answer is no.
In any relationship, there should be balance…
Chemistry is important, don’t get me wrong. But it’s not the be-all and end-all. A relationship can’t survive solely on chemistry, there has to be something more. There has to be an emotional attachment too. You have to feel safe and taken care of. You deserve a relationship where there is mutual trust, intimacy, and a willingness to meet the other’s needs. It is up to you what you value the most in a relationship and finding a person who ticks those boxes is certainly within reach, if only you know what you’re looking for.
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